Friday, February 22, 2013

The elusive 1 kg

I have been on the diet journey since mid October 2012. That's not very long ago, even if some days it seems likes eons ago. Since then, I have lost 19kgs. And I've been stuck there for the past week. Why can't I lose this last @#$% kilo??? I will win though, of that I am certain.

Hey, I managed to lose 19kgs. Me, Ann, who was mostly always overweight. Who LOVES food with a Passion. Who doesn't remember places because of their beauty - but because of this nice cafe, or that delicious restaurant.

That's me, at this great cafe in Nelson a few weeks ago. I had a delicious chicken salad. The chef was happy not to crumb the chicken so that I could have it. I must say, every single cafe and restaurant I've been to has been extremely accommodating.

This morning, my dear other half said, "Good morning my slender wife". I thought he must be talking to someone else. Me? Slender? You gotta be kidding! And yet, I can now easily fit a size 12. I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though I've dropped 3 sizes and lost all that weight, I still think of myself as overweight most of the time. So the other day, as I was about to pull up these gorgeous size 12 trousers, I thought, "OK Ann, brace yourself, you're gonna get stuck half way up." I didn't. They fit fine and were even almost too big. And I just looked at myself, bewildered.

So I've been wondering. Am I so conditioned to demean myself that even with proof before my own eyes, I have doubts? How did this happen? I guess it's just many many years of trying to accept myself as I was, of making do, of being disappointed when something didn't fit. And yet I grew up with the knowledge that God loves me, that He accepts me the way I am, that it doesn't matter what I look like. See, I wish I could say that I loved my body as much before as I do now. But the absolute truth is, no I don't. I'm being very honest with you here, dear reader, and with myself. And I'm definitely not saying that either way is right or wrong. And what's the BIG deal anyway, you might ask?

I guess more than anything, losing weight has made me feel so much better physically: I'm less tired (I have more energy than my super fit husband now, ha ha), I'm more energetic, my mood is much better, I don't have sugar highs and lows, and I feel so much more confident and strong.

You know what? If I can do this kind of diet, you can too, if you want to. I was lying to myself for a long time and finding lots of excuses not to try and lose weight. But at the end of the day, I just wanted to be fit and healthy for my kids. I want their Mum to stick around for as long as possible, and I wanted to be able to keep up with them.

Has it been difficult losing 19 kgs in 5 months? YES! But, it was way easier than I ever anticipated. My dear husband even ate chocolate and home-made ice cream next to me in the evenings - and I resisted.

Because there was no way I was going to fail this challenge! And the cool thing is that with the Dukan Diet, you can actually eat as much as you like, just not of everything. So I'm never really hungry. Sometimes a bit bored by the same old same old though. As I said, I LOVE food. So I put my passion for cooking and my creativity at the service of my diet and created lots of yummy recipes that are not in Dr Dukan's book.

Anyway, that's me for tonight. Women rock. We are so much stronger than we often give ourselves credit for. Go for your dreams, reach for your goals and don't let self doubt and years of conditioning stop you.